can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we made out on top of his cat.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
