So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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