I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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