it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
