put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
