i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
