you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want her autograph on my taint
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
