I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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