Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
