This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
