So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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