he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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