i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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