Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
