Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
