is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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