wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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