I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize