I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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