How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
