i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
