Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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