Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My dick has a subreddit
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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