So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
