oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
