anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He better not be in your backpack
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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