I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
