I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
