I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My balls are so social today.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
