U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Be still, my beating vagina.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
