Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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