If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She's the barista slut.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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