is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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