I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
