My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
