dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
