I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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