mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I touched a dick in church today
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
