Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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