I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
