Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
