I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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