please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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