She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
