I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
