We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
