if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize