Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
