i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
