In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
His nipple licking is glorious
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