Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
