they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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