He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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