Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
