sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
