Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
