Betty ford says i'm here all night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I enjoy the company of your penis
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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