im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
