I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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