Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
