Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
