I can text with my tongue
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
