i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
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No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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