ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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